Go CARDS!

Hello everyone, this is Schwank. I started to write a blog the other day and the computer stopped working on me. I started to write it again today and thought that it would be better saved until my treatments were over and we discovered my state.
I know that some of this sounds repetitive and maybe a little "blah", but you all have no idea how much you just reading this right now means to me and my family. You find out that people who don't even know you, care about you and are praying for you. You find out that friends you thought you would never see again are getting re-acquainted with you. Life goes on. People change. One thing remains the same and always has. God.
It is because of Him that we are all here. I know you may not talk to Him everyday and you don't see Him everyday. But He is ALWAYS with us! How comforting is it to know that the one that created us, has never left us, and never will? Not even on the cross!
Talk to you all next week!
Godspeed-Schwank

A surprise finding!

Jerm has been sleeping a lot lately at the Center. He slept yesterday for a couple of hours and today he slept several hours. So at least he is getting some sleep, he was absolutely wore out today. He was going to write on the blog today but the computer at Siteman wasn't working so he is hoping for tomorrow.

My brother Dale and my niece Maranda came to see him today! Jerm was really glad to see them! We always tease Jeremy because since he was little he has always said OOncle Dale. When they left today he said it was so good to see OOncle Dale, of course, we still tease him about that.

Dale was looking out at the Garden of Hope that Jerms chair overlooks and then he asked me, "Did you all ready buy a paver in his honor?' I said no, why, and he said someone did, it is right there, I got up and looked and I said, that is another Schwentker, that doesn't say Jeremy...BUT when I looked again, it did say Jeremy Schwentker. Jerm was too tired to look, so Maranda took my camera out to the patio and took a picture of it. I think Jeremy's guardian angel, a.k.a. Grandma Schwentker bought it. I don't know if she had anything to do with the placing of it or not, but it is in the perfect spot, right in front of his favorite chair. I don't know how long it has been there, but....anyway, I have never been accused of being real observant. I will write more tomorrow.
Jerm's mom

Is this a Bakery???

First, if you're wondering why the previous post is empty, it is because Jeremy wrote things to go under it, took about a half hour to write and he couldn't get it to go thru, oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Yesterday Grandma brought up some of her famous creme filled cupcakes for the cast & crew at Siteman and they were pretty much gone before we left last night. Today Aunt Missy brought up some homemade cinnamon rolls, smores and a Strawberry Cake to share. I think the Siteman Center's sweet tooth is definitely full. For a while it looked like a bakery today, because I had brought in a Pastry Ring from Bread Co. and someone else had made brownies. YUM!

Jeremy actually slept for a couple of hours today, which he never does. I think the mental exhaustion can be more demanding than the physical exhaustion. For weeks we are always telling him to take a nap, he doesn't sleep much the evenings of his full week of treatments, and today he did. We let him know we are not there to be entertained, but to be with him...but I guess after 7 continuous weeks of seeing our smiling faces, he has become a little bored. Honestly I am glad he slept because at least that is two hours of sleep he will have if he doesn't sleep tonight.

This morning when I got to the Center, I saw a couple of familiar faces there. Not just the nurses...who I don't know if I have ever mentioned this before, we LOVE, but some faces I knew before. Pastor Christiansen, who has filled in at our church, Messiah, was there for a treatment today. He was diagnosed with lymphoma 2 years ago. He told me today that he won't die from it, but he will die with it. He is doing great and said that for an occasional bad day, he feels very good.

I also saw Carol Peterson. She is also from my church, Messiah and she is being treated for breast cancer. I think I have mentioned her before, she is a young mother of three and she is amazing. I had her son Evan in my class and I have always liked her, but I totally am in awe of how well she is and how good her spirits are and how amazing she is. Of course, I had my camera and of course I had to get a picture of her, but she understood, she's a cropper too.

I met another amazing woman today. Her name is Kathy and her husband Brian is fighting lung cancer. I have seen Kathy and Brian at the center before, and have just spoken to them in passing. Today we talked for a long time. Her grace and courage in the uncertainty of her husbands illness is nothing short of inspirational. They have 3 children: ages 18-23, I think, although I must say they do not look like they could have children that old. I was reminded today after we talked about how cancer effects everyone, not just the patient. It is weird how the things that were so important one day can loose all their meaning with a diagnosis of cancer. Kathy has refocused her whole life on getting her husband better. Taking care of your loved one becomes your job, your full time job. I see it with Jess all the time, while we spend as much time as we can with Jerm, Jess is really his full time caregiver, it's a job she does well, very well and for that we are so very thankful.

As I close this I would ask that you keep all the above mentioned in your prayers. I know I will pray for the patients and their caregivers. Until tomorrow.

Jerms mom

Things I've Learned So Far:

HELL WEEK...has begun...

It is OFFICIAL! IT IS HERE! HELL WEEK!
Let me just say, it made me smile today when the words out of Dr. Pluards mouth were, "your bloodwork looks good, and we are going to finish (chemotherapy) as scheduled!" WOOHOO!! I get my PET Scan on the 12th of June and have my Dr's appointment the Monday following to find out how well my chemo went. I know that it's working thanks to the prayers of many and the healing hands of the wonderful nurses here at Siteman.
About an hour ago, my nurse came back and asked if she could have a young man who was just diagnosed with testicular cancer come back and talk to me. Of course that was fine. As I shook his hand it occurred to me that I knew this individual from a looonnnggg time ago. It was a man, who's sister I grew up with in grade school at Zion! Small world?...Fate?...God thing...absolutely!
God doesn't give us what we want on a Silver Platter. God gives us opportunities to be the Miracle and to see the Miracle in others. It is your choice to do something with the opportunities he gives us. Sometimes, opportunities don't seem like something positive at all, but it is in those times that God is shining the spotlight on that opportunity so that you can reach out, grab it, and be a Miracle! Sometimes, it's a wave to a neighbor, holding the door open at the gas station, or writing wonderful messages on this blog, whatever it is, others see it, I see it in all of you. You all continue to be in our prayers!
Godspeed-SCHWANK

The Light at the end of the Tunnel

My computer was down for a few days and we were out of town and when I checked my email, several people wanted to know why there hasn't been any news. Now you know and I am sorry about that. Tomorrow starts the third (and hopefully last) full week of treatments. As you know Jeremy affectionately calls this week "Hell" week.

Jeremy has been doing pretty well the past two treatments, he did get sick on Thursday, not sure what that was all about, but he felt better the next day. His energy level is low, has been for weeks, and that is the thing that gets him the most. If he has one good day, he takes advantage of it and then pays for it the next week or so.

So this is to let all of you know that we will be back on our (pretty) regular schedule of updating the blog. I would ask that you keep Jeremy in your prayers, especially around Thursday, that is when he feels his worst and it takes a while to bounce back.

Jerms mom

The Halfway Mark

Today's treatment is over:) As far as treatments go, it was pretty painless. And he is officially past the halfway point. His counts were up today, good news. We went to breakfast afterward and Jeremy ate a good breakfast, the most he has eaten in several days. He is still feeling pretty crummy, but feels better than he has since last week. Sleep is still an issue, or lack of sleep. The sleeping medicine that has been prescribed for him helps him fall asleep, but he doesn't stay asleep. He is trying something new tonight so here's hoping it works.

I think one of the most frustrating things for Jerm right now is his lack of strength and how tired he is. The things he has always taken care of, he can't and that makes him mad. He mowed his grass on Saturday and he said he thought he was going to pass out. Needless to say he got a long lecture about letting others do things for him, so he can keep his strength up. When the everyday and mundane things of life get to be hard, it is just a reminder of what this disease (and its treatment) can do to you. But that is why God blesses each of us with family and friends who are willing to, WANT to do things for the people who care about us. It is humbling for him and hard for him to let others do that, so I am praying he accepts it for what it is and lets others take care of things. He has become a fan of daytime tv (not by choice) and has watched nearly every movie out right now.

I am reminded of all the people I know who have faced hard times in their lives and are stronger for it. I have two friends that are fighting cancer right now, Carol Peterson, a young mother of three who is fighting breast cancer and Don Wehmeyer, who is being treated for lymphoma, not to mention all the faces I see at Siteman every day. And I am reminded that Jeremy is not alone.. His Grandma Schwentker is herself a 25 year cancer survivor and endured 18 months of chemotherapy and she inspires and encourages him all the time. Then, there's my friend Jennifer who lost her son Arron almost three years ago in a car accident. She, and all these people, are living proof that you can't face difficulties all alone, there's no way to do it without God putting his arms around us and carrying you. It really is the peace that passes human understanding. It is the love that he gives us via family, friends AND oncology nurses. He guides those who are guiding us and we are all the better for it.

It's Mothers Day!

It was blustery when I woke up this morning and I thought "This can't be Mother's Day, it feels like winter." Crazy.

Our usual tradition on Mothers Day is to head to the winery, but with the weather the way it was, we couldn't take a chance on Jeremy getting sick, so we had our winery day at his home. Jess made some great food, and we had some great wine, and we were so much warmer than we would have been in Augusta.

Mothers Day is one of my favorite days of the year, not because I like everything to be all about me (well, I do...but) but because I love being with my family, it is my favorite place to be, wherever they are. Jerm spent a lot of this day in bed, he would get up for a while and visit and then lay down for a little while. His treatments are starting to take a toll on him, however, for as many treatments as he has had, he is doing amazing. He apologized to me a few times and I think that he really doesn't understand that he didn't have to entertain me today, just being with him on this day was enough for me. I have told him that every year. That is what being a mom is, raising your children, so that when they are grown, you can lay the guilt ....oops I mean, they want to spend time with you. I would say that the last few years have brought us closer together, there have been a lot of changes in our lives. We have learned that the one constant we have is each other. I think we were being prepared for this little "bump in the road."

As corny as it sounds, and everything I write and think these days is just a hair away from being a Hallmark card, I am grateful for our son, just being with him today and thru his whole journey. He amazes us with his strength & grace and that is the best gift of all.

Happy Mothers Day!
Jerm's mom

TGIF

I have always liked Fridays, always been my favorite day of the week. But this Friday, I really like. Jeremy's treatments are over for the week and now he has 4 days to regroup until Tuesday, and that is a short treatment. Thank God for small favors. As I have stated before, this week was a little tough for Jerm. I think the full week of treatments drain him emotionally as well as physically, he said last night was the worst he has felt and yesterday he said the night before was so I am glad it is over for the week.


Fridays are pretty quiet at Siteman, just a couple of people in and out. It is a far cry from this past Monday, there were MANY people coming in and that place stays hopping on certain days. There have been days when we see more than 20 people come in and out for treatment during the time he is there.It seems like the nurses barely get time to eat lunch, but they are an amazing bunch those nurses. Actually everyone at Siteman is pretty amazing, they take a really bad situation and help make it so much more bearable. I am so thankful for each and everyone of them.

Thanks for your prayers this week, Thursday & friday are hard to get thru but made so much more easier from the love, support and prayers of all of you.

When the going gets tough.....

the tough get going! Hope that's true. Jerm is not feeling like himself the last couple of days. Last night (Wed.) was not good for him and I think tonight is a little worse. The GOOD news is he just has tomorrow and then he is done with what we "affectionately" call Hell week. We had a quiet day today, when Jess left for work it was just him & I and then his dad came up on his lunch hour. I think he likes an occasional day like that...and who wouldn't enjoy being forced to spend time with their parents at the age of 27????????

Mother's Day is Sunday and more than ever I am grateful for the gift of our son. There is no love as strong, as neverending, as unconditional as a parent's love. And I am reminded that, thru all of this, no matter how much me & his daddy love him, Jeremy is loved so much more by our heavenly Father. It is what gives us hope, gives us strength. AND more importantly, gives us peace...when things get a little rocky.

Dreary Thursday...

Good Morning Everyone! It is finally Thursday. One more day of "hell" this week. Been getting nauseated in the evenings but still have been blessed to not have gotten sick. My nurse told me today that she is suprised that I haven't. She told me that usually the men who take my "cocktail" have gotten sick by now. Which is pretty much the same thing the Dr. told me. He told me I would lose weight, get sick, and lose my hair. So far, I have lost my hair, GAINED weight, and feel as good as to be expected. Really not happy about the gaining weight thing, however, it's better that I eat too daggum much than not eat at all!...at least that's what I'm telling myself.
I was suprised to see all the comments that people have left and I want to thank each of you for taking time out of your busy lives to write down a few words. Especially to those who I have not talked to in a while or who I've never talked to before. It's good to hear your words of support. Mom is sitting with me today. I think of my sheer boredom and then I think, Jess, Mom, and Grandma, who sit with me every week, must be REALLY Bored! Although I know that they would all rather be here than at work. Talk to you all soon.
Godspeed-Schwank

It's Tuesday!!

Hello and Good Afternoon to all who are reading this blog thing. I want to encourage you all to write messages because it helps me kill a little time during my 7-hour days here at Siteman. I know that there are several of you who are trying to write messages and it's just not working. PLEASE KEEP TRYING!
The bald thing is in. I've known that for a while. I encourage those of you that are thinking about getting a new "do" or are showing signs of thinning hair (i.e. balding), buy yourself some clippers and shave it. You'll look and feel much better. Plus, you can finally be like me!...not really but I had to show my mother that I am a humble individual! :)
Twelve (12) more treatments left. June 10th can't get here soon enough but how great a day that will be. I can't wait! Talk to you all soon!
Godspeed-Schwank

Like Son, Like Father

Jeremy had an interesting day of treatment today. He didn't get in to see the doctor right away so he got a later start than he would like...and you know it is all about him:) Anyway, after he got started and situated, the Siteman Center lost power today. It was out several hours and Jerm said it was getting a little toasty in there this afternoon. He had several visitors today and that made the very long day go a little quicker. Jess got him ice cream this afternoon and that helped a lot. She also got ice cream for the nurses. I tell you, I think it takes someone special to be an oncology nurse and the ones at Siteman are the most special there are. They have been wonderful to our whole family, especially Donna, she is like one of the family. It gives me great comfort to know that the patients who are there are getting the best of care, can't say enough good things about them.

I am adding a new picture of my boys! After Jeremy lost his hair, Jerry came home and shaved his head clean. It took all of two minutes but he was so happy to have the same "do" as his son.
Tomorrow is another treatment. I am praying that Jerms attitude stays upbeat.

Jerms mom

I'm losing my hair!

Not that it's a shock cause I have been losing my hair since I was 16...thanks Dad. Today, I woke up to find that half my hair was on my pillow and no longer on my head! I was expecting it to go last week and it didn't. I started to think "Maybe it won't fall out after all"...WRONG! Jess and I started pulling out chunks which was actually quite fun. I decided to shave it bald and scrub out the rest in the shower. Believe it or not, I have wanted to be bald since college when I got a "wild hair" up my rear to "bic" my head. Which was right after I dyed it black...(no idea what I was thinking, someone probably forced me to drink beer the night before because I never willingly drank beer in college cause that was illegal...its true Mom :)
Just thought I would let everyone know that I am doing well. Yard work yesterday and Cardinals/Cubs game tonight. Pastor Schlie...Miracles do happen...I hope the Cubbies don't use there's up tonight.
The guys at work chipped in and got me a sweet Harley Davidson picnic bag to put on my motorcycle when I go riding. They also filled it with a bunch of healthy food, like Snickers, Twinkies, nuts, and Rice Krispie Treats. All the things a good cop keeps on his diet. :)
Next week is my 2nd long week, one week closer to the end. I want to thank everyone for your thoughts, prayers, cards, and meals. To those who I don't know but you know my parents...YOU ARE ALL AWESOME PEOPLE! It is because of you that my parents are being strong. I pray for you all daily.
Like I have said before, the power of prayer is amazing. Thankyou has never meant so much to me and my family and I hope you all know that. Until next week...
Godspeed-Schwank